In our next installment of “Let’s Have a Baby” we’re going to look at adoption for LGBTQ family planning. Adoption can be the go-to choice for many LGBTQ families. Some parents-to-be have been adopted themselves and know the deep and meaningful familial connections that can be forged through adoption. Other parents choose adoption because they haven’t been able to conceive, don’t want to, or cannot become pregnant because of medical risks. Some find that it aligns with their values and see adoption as the natural choice for them. 

Read More: Queer Family Planning: An Introductory Guide

But adoption for LGBTQ individuals and couples can be fraught with discrimination. The complexity of laws varying between each state can make adoption a minefield for the prospective LGBTQ parent. We’ll cover some of the legal aspects you’ll need to be aware of when embarking on the adoption process.

Whatever your reasons or situation, and no matter where you live, you’ll need to do your research and get your finances in order to take your next steps. Fortunately, we’re here to help, so let’s get started!

Types of Adoption

Adoption can fall into four main categories:

Foster care adoption is adopting a child whose biological parents’ rights have been terminated by a court. A common misconception is that you have to foster your would-be child before adopting. That is not always the case. Many parents adopt straight from the foster care system. However, you’ll want to check your state laws to see if you’ll need to be approved as a foster parent before becoming eligible to adopt. 

Domestic Adoption is a term used when the adoptive parent/s, birth parent/s, and child all reside in the U.S. Adoptive parents can use an agency to do a domestic adoption, which is a full service option and includes all disparate costs rolled into the agency fee. 

Private or independent adoption is an adoption without the use of an agency where the birth parent/s voluntarily adopt out the child directly to the adoptive parent/s. But private adoption isn’t that straightforward; adoptive and prospective parent/s will need to hire out additional professionals as needed for other services. Depending on your state, important restrictions and procedures may still require an agency’s involvement, such as a home investigation of the adoptive parent/s after they file a Petition for Adoption. You’ll also need to be aware of your state’s consent and revocation periods for the birth parent/s. 

International Adoption is a type of adoption where the intended parent/s become the legal and permanent parent/s of a child who is a national of another country. International adoption is the most expensive, bureaucratic and complex adoption process. Removing a child from their culture, even when taking them out of a harmful situation, can have negative repercussions on the child if you aren’t prepared to integrate them thoughtfully and respectfully into your family. Additionally, internationally adopted children will often have trauma and medical conditions that will need further consideration and support. Carefully vet the agency you want to work with; working with unaccredited agencies with varying standards happens all too often, leaving loopholes for unethical behavior. You should thoroughly examine your motivations and capacity to see if international adoption is right for you. 

How much does it cost to adopt a child?

The total cost of adoption can be between less than $5,000 to $50,000 depending on the type of adoption. 

• Foster care adoption: Essentially free, with states reimbursing adoptive parents for fees like a home study or attorney fees.
• Domestic (Agency) adoption: $20,000 to $45,000.
• Private/independent adoption: $15,000 to $40,000
• International adoption: $20,000 to $50,000 based on country.

How should you plan for the expense?

When you’re planning to potentially spend up to $50k in funds, you’ll want to consider each of  these categories:

Budgeting: How will you pay for up to $50k in cost? Where will the funds come from and what’s the plan? What offsets exist that you can take advantage of? There are several ways to fund adoptions, so explore all of them and use a combination of the right ones for you! 

Work benefits: Does your employer offer any sort of assistance? 

Tax considerations: Can you use an adoption tax credit of $14,300 to offset a significant portion of costs? It will depend on your income. Crunch the numbers! 

Risk mitigation: Ask if there is a risk of losing some of the costs. It will depend on the situation; for example, if the birth mother changes her mind, what will happen to the agency fees or medical costs incurred? Ask your agency or parties involved. 

Keep in mind that not all the fees will be due at once. When you’re working with an agency, request a schedule of fees upfront so you can plan for your adoption costs along with your financial stability. 

Hiring professionals to help guide you through the process is crucial to your success and timeline. The finalization of adoption can take place up to a year after the adoption, so you’ll need support the entire way. Read the stories of three families pursuing each of the different types of adoption and what it ended up costing them. Spoiler alert: All of them have happy endings, financially and otherwise.

Special Considerations for LGBTQ Parents

It’s unfortunate that we even need a section about special considerations for LGBTQ parents. Being able to grow a loving family is a right that everyone should have, but we know that there are sometimes significant roadblocks for LGBTQ parents based in bigotry and discrimination. Currently, 10 states allow state-licensed child welfare agencies to refuse to place and provide services to LGBTQ members if that service conflicts with their religious beliefs. Twenty states and four territories have no explicit laws against discrimination in foster care. Only 15 states plus D.C. allow for second-parent adoption. The Movement Advancement Project (MAP) has a comprehensive tool for researching laws by state and issue. This is why choosing an agency, attorneys, and other services that are welcoming to the LGBTQ community is the most effective way to have a positive experience while finding your new family member. We should note that international adoptions are very difficult to pursue because of the extreme prejudice in the countries open to international adoption; this prejudice may not be reflected in an agency’s viewpoint, but could lead to problems during the adoption process because of the regulations and laws governing the international adoption process.

The good news is that more and more birth parents are choosing LGBTQ parents to adopt their child, and more private agencies are reporting placements within the LGBTQ community. According to the Williams Institute at the UCLA School of Law, 21.4% of same-sex couples are raising adopted children compared to just 3 percent of different-sex couples, and almost 3 percent of same-sex couples have foster children compared to only 0.4 percent of different-sex couples. So take heart. If you feel adoption is the right decision for you, reach out to qualified, welcoming professionals who will help make growing your family a reality.