The other day, I found myself looking at real estate listings. I was searching for apartments with more square footage. Isn’t this what everyone in New York does? Dreams about a bigger place to live?  

But after a minute, I stopped myself. Why was I looking at new places when we lived in a perfectly comfortable, safe, and nice apartment? I had everything I needed or wanted in my home. My husband, child, dog, and I had more than enough room and love our place. Who is telling me that I need more or that I need something different? 

In my work, I see a lot of clients in my same position. Even with plenty of resources, we don’t feel our lives are “enough.” My search for new housing reminded me of our very human impulse to always want more or always want what we don’t have. Lynne Twist, founder of The Soul of Money Institute, believes this impulse comes from a scarcity mindset, where we don’t think there’s enough to go around. To play around with my example, we can see how a scarcity mindset would have negative effects: I need a different home therefore it will cost more, therefore I’ll have to work more to earn more and then save more … and on and on. This kind of thinking can be toxic to our lives and trap us in a never-ending spiral of not having enough money, possessions, assets, and other status symbols. 

Do you operate with a scarcity mindset around money?

A mindset of fear is prevalent in my work with clients; we all suffer in some way from a sense of scarcity, and I help navigate my clients through potential decisions or desires driven by scarcity. In a practical sense, perhaps this mindset shows up as someone spending without caring about the debt associated with it. Or maybe someone’s worked really hard to earn good money but doesn’t believe there will ever be enough of it, so they never save. Or this fear has given someone the mindset that they will need to work forever to pay for the life they want.

If you’re reading this and thinking, “Yea, same,” try to reframe your fear and use it to get at what’s truly important to you. If you fear not having enough money or not saving enough, what’s important to you may be a sense of security. If you’re afraid of not having to work forever, perhaps you want to prioritize rest and relaxation. Or if you’re terrified of debt, maybe having a business where you control your time, money, and assets will give you a sense of accomplishment. The point is to see what’s lying beneath the fear and to use it as a way to guide your goals and shape your values in terms of your finances. And when you have a clear idea of what your values are, you can see your “fears” in the context of what you have and really start to appreciate it. 

Read More: What’s a Money Script? And What are Yours?

How to Get to “Enough”

That appreciation is key to undoing the knot of “not having enough,” and actually feeling satisfied with what you have. As Lynne Twist says, “What you appreciate, appreciates.” I love this saying for all the ways it applies to a holistic approach to finances. I’ve said many times that the best way to invest is to stay invested; meaning that when the market gets tough, you don’t pull your money and run. Instead, you sit with that discomfort (fear), and appreciate what you do have (money in the stock market), and trust in the fact that it will grow over time (practicing gratitude and appreciation) and give you returns (the tangible appreciation!). 

To feel like you have enough is oftentimes a leap of faith — you have to let go of those beliefs that you don’t have enough, and you can do that by practicing gratitude for what you do have. This kind of gratitude will give us “sufficiency,” which, as Lynne Twist says, is “the exquisite experience of having enough … And I assert that that is already the case in every single person’s life.”

Does every single person’s life contain enough for sufficiency? Maybe or maybe not, but you can use this lens to evaluate if your life does. Spend some time discussing and thinking about how the scarcity mindset impacts money and how you act. Practice countering those scarcity-driven thoughts by addressing the fear beneath them.

• Scarcity Says: “We need to earn more to never worry about our lives.”
  • Reality Say: “Worry can’t be erased by money.”
• Scarcity Says: “We need to have X amount of money to retire and live happy lives.”
  • Reality Says: “There is no number that can decide your happiness.” 
• Scarcity Says: “There’s never enough each month. Where does all the money go?”
  • Reality Says: “We have enough to live our lives comfortably, and if we need something else, we can adjust.”

As always, my mind goes to practical language: When you stop thinking about how you have to earn more, you pay more attention to what you do earn and how you treat that money. When you stop paying attention to how much someone else has, you are free to make the most of what you do have. And that will be the greatest gift, financially and otherwise, that you can give yourself and your loved ones. 

For more reading on this topic, check out Lynne Twist’s book, The Soul of Money: Transforming Your Relationship with Money and Life.